Whose Life Is It Anyway? Ramblings on life, yoga, romance, money, sex, life, yoga, art, music, life and life.

Yoga Over and Under 40

It is true I have been doing yoga for a good, long time but it wasn’t until I hit my 40’s that I really found what I believe to be the truth of the practice. There is something about forty that just makes you wiser. How could it not, more years on the planet more opportunities to learn from my mistakes!

The older, and perhaps wiser, I became the more I understood the innate beauty of this ancient practice for a woman of any age.

It seems to me that women spend a lifetime trying to get and or stay skinny! It is one of the things we think about a good part of our day and typically, we are dissatisfied with the results! What yoga and the deeper practices can teach us is not about being thin, but being healthy — then we are always the perfect shape! We don’t try to lose weight, but by being more connected to our bodies, we stop eating what isn’t good for us. It just doesn’t taste or feel right. We understand that it isn’t about another, better, diet but about getting to know ourselves. When we are feeling angry or lonely, we might reach for our yoga mat or even a hug instead of a doughnut because we know what will really make us feel better in the long run.

Yoga teaches us to listen. It brings us back to an intuitive nature that is the true gift of the feminine. Yoga helps us to see the body as sacred and suddenly we stop dragging it around like an old purse. We become wiser about how and with whom we spend our time as we come to understand that what we surround ourselves molds who we are. We begin to make choices that bring us less stress and more joy.

The yoga poses will surely make us fit and help us to look youthful longer, but perhaps not in the way you might think.

Striving is something we have all gotten too good at. Listening to ourselves has become much more difficult. Yoga teaches us how to pause, accept and more then that, love who we are as we are.

Yoga is a way of live and a life long friend. Its wisdom teaches us how to find self-respect and thus self-love. Yoga asks us to practice presences and to appreciate everything exactly as it– because it is as it should be– us included.

Does this story resonate with you?  Join Paula, as she continues to discover the wisdom of yoga, every Monday night at 6:30pm (Foundations 1) and Wednesday evenings at 6:30pm (Meditation thru the senses).

Whose Life Is It Anyway? Ramblings on life, yoga, romance, money, sex, life, yoga, art, music, life and life.

Why we cant meditate?

Why we cant meditate ?

Lucky for me my intense curiosity for other worldly dimensions kept me steadfast on my cushion. I meditated in the hopes of finding the ultimate enlightened state where all of my troubles would fall away and I would be one with the divine! I swear this is true!

Needless to say this never happened. What I did find was a way to be kind to others as well as my self, I found the path to humility, true compassion and a lifetime companion.

In my years of teaching meditation and yoga I think I have heard every excuse as to why one just can’t meditate:

“I don’t have the time”, “I can’t sit still”, “I find it boring”,

“I’m afraid to be alone with my thoughts”, “It doesn’t work for me”

“I'm too busy”, “My mind is too busy for meditation”, “I can’t sit on the floor” “I’ll start once my alter is set up, after I buy the mala beads” and so it goes.

I understand how true each of these reasons can feel, but I also know how important it is to invite the possibility of a peaceful mind into your life. I explain in my teaching that mediation is like brushing your teeth. You wouldn’t leave the house with dirty teeth, why would you leave with a cluttered mind? Meditation, in my experience, is a way to purify the thoughts by placing them one by one into the heart and loving them, so that I can learn to love all of me and as an extension all of humanity. I do this for myself, and so all those around me can experience a clean, tidy and peaceful me.  Without my practice I find I am less smooth and much more prone to impulsive reactions instead of thoughtful responses. I often feel what I explain as “outside of myself” on those days I don’t sit.

When I am teaching class or on retreat one of the biggest resistances I get from my students is the story of time —  there simply isn’t enough.  I always reply, “Do you have 5 minutes? Cause that’s all it takes!”  It is true in days gone by we would be made to sit for hours. We would often be shamed if we didn’t sit for an hour in the morning and one before bed. I will say,  I'm glad I did it, but I am also not entirely certain it was necessary.

You see, ultimately, we are working to re-pattern our nervous system.  In that light if you show up for yourself for 5 minutes every day you are certainly making an effect. If you can do it for 10 or 20 minutes, all the better. The longer you sit with you the more “you” will resist. It’s all that resistance we need to practice loving. Before long that resistance smooths out and you are left with acceptance and compassion– the only true  ingredient for happiness

My students also tell me how busy their minds are!  To that I reply, “Whose aren’t!?” A busy mind is not the issue. Meditation is not the act of clearing the mind as much as it is what you do with the thoughts. Can you notice them enough not to think them through, but instead love each and every one – both the positive and the negative?  Then, by doing this, you have spent your time in a loving vibration instead of aggression and self-hatred. I can guarantee if you do that five minutes each day you will most certainly be a happier person and you will have found the beauty of self-love.

 I never did get enlightened, but I feel each time I sit in meditation I am sitting in a divine vibration, a companion I could not do without!

Want to expand your meditation practice?  Paula is offering meditation in NYC by donation on Wed nights at 6:15-7:15pm starting 4/10.  Guided meditation followed by discussion on how to live beautifully in challenging times.  

Want to go even deeper?  Join Paula for her 7 day Spiritual Retreat in Costa Rica September!

Whose Life Is It Anyway? Ramblings on life, yoga, romance, money, sex, life, yoga, art, music, life and life.

Why We Injure Our Bodies in Yoga

We enter the world of yoga for many reasons: to be part of a community, for relief from physical or even psychological pain, personal insight or enlightenment. But mostly it seems we come to yoga to bring more balance to our lives. Yoga seems to serve as a reflection, showing us where and when we have fallen off course.  It works like a spiritual tight rope, lovingly keeping us aware of when we are losing our way. It reflects our patterns back to is and shows us that too much of anything can be detrimental. Our asana practice is a perfect illustration of this.

The intention in which we participate in our practice offers us great fodder to learn from. How often we practice, the style of yoga we chose or even the ways we choose to move our bodies are all ways in which we reveal ourselves. It is interesting to discover that the way in which we meet the challenges in our daily life share a common approach to the way we meet the challenges in our practice. If we can release our practice from force and expectations and allow it to be guided by experience and curiosity we might be able to do the same at the office, in our relationships, in our lives. This is why Reflections supports a mindful vinyasa practice without expectation or competition. It is a practice done by you for you.

My teacher, Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen, has said “the mind it like the wind and the body like the sand”.  If this is true then the state of mind we are in when we begin our practice will directly affect the quality of our movements.  It will affect our ability to practice from the experience of the body instead of the will of the mind. So, is it possible that the mental state we bring to our practice often leads us to injury instead of our perceived abilities? If we believe that the movements of our body are no more than an expression of our thoughts and desires then this idea would undoubtedly be true. In my many years of practice and teaching I have found that “yoga” is neither a panacea nor a culprit, but merely a teacher showing us where our thoughts might be too aggressive or too passive.

It might seems paradoxical to some to have a mindful vinyasa studio in Hells Kitchen that promotes conscious living, but I believe that it is here where we need to bring our practice to the forefront. Where the temptations might be a bit more fetching. Hells Kitchen is as good a place as any to pause, breathe in and feel!

Interested in deepening your practice?  Come to our FREE Teacher Training Info Session and Hips Workshop taught by Paula on April 4th! 

Whose Life Is It Anyway? Ramblings on life, yoga, romance, money, sex, life, yoga, art, music, life and life.

What is real intimacy?

Yoga is a wonderful practice that can awaken many things in a person. In my experience what it does when it is at its best is help us to slow down, get connected and feel. Its a way to develop a relationship with ourselves. It teaches the value of presence — and true intimacy.  Having sex was sometimes  something I would do to avoid intimacy. I think this could be true for many.  So  what is intimacy anyhow? Maybe this story can help explain. 

I recently taught a course called "Yoga – A tool for transformation". One of the rules was NO SEX.  I have come to learn that people hate to hear that they can’t do something even if it's for their own good. Even though i was aware of this aversion I didn't bother to explain why, because I believed  it was something they needed to discover on their own.

A few weeks went by and the group grew closer, sharing their thoughts and feelings about many things. They talked about what pained their heart. They discussed what brought them a joy far beyond happiness. They cried and laughed together for many days and nights. I watched, what was once a group of perfect strangers, ask to be held and have their tears dried by a classmate. I watched them fall in love with themselves and one another.

One day one of the men in the course, who had mentioned he was struggling with lustful thoughts, turned to the group and explained that during this time together he got to experience real intimacy in a way he had never known it could be.  From and honest and vulnerable place he told us he would not have traded those moments — that having sex would have tarnished them in someway.

How could I have told them that they would feel deep love and that love would open them to true intimacy? Who can explain the beauty of true intimacy? There are simply no words.  My fear that they would confuse those feeling and believe that love/intimacy would then have to culminate is some sexual act was never realized.  Instead they came to understand this on their own.

Have you looked into the eyes of your beloved? Have you asked what makes them happy or sad? Do you feel free to ask to be held on a bad day? Can you cry in their lap with no shame? If you haven’t, forget the flowers this Valentine’s day, and give real intimacy a try.

Does this story resonate with you?  Check out Paula's Partner Thai Massage Workshop for Couples Here.  

Whose Life Is It Anyway? Ramblings on life, yoga, romance, money, sex, life, yoga, art, music, life and life.

What's in a Moment?

Someone once told me that all we have are a series of moments and when strung together they make up a life; and that each moment has within it  the possibility to change everything. I have been given the opportunity to see this many times in my life. Cataclysmic life shifts or simple rumbles have come and in one single instant shifted everything I thought I was so delicately weaving into the design of "my" future.

We have seen the fragility of life time and again this very year. A strange weather pattern,  a misguided child or financial leaders that have lost their way — suddenly our lives are changed forever. One could think, what is the point of planning, designing or desiring, we have no real control?  I have shared so much of my story with you over these years hoping that in the honesty you might see yourself in my stories and together we can gain a glimmer of understanding into how fragile and beautiful it is to be human. I'd like to share a bit more of how I see the enigmatic experience of not just living– but living in life's embrace. 

I will confess I am a woman who needs a plan. I plan and dream endlessly. I exhaust those around me with my "new ideas". I am often humbled by life and yet can truthful say I have always gotten what I wanted — without fail. Ironically, it rarely looked like my more Hollywood fantasy — Tall, dark, handsome, yet the essence came through one hundred percent. The more clear my intentions the easier it was manifest what I wanted from life. If there was no doubt, fear or gripping desire, if my intentions where not "I want a million dollars", but instead of a higher vibration, "I want to do good work and serve many", it came to me seamlessly. The times that I kept my eyes and heart open I could reach and embrace each experience as if I had chosen it — because I had. That would include both the light and the dark. There were many times I had clearly delivered myself into the arms of darkness because there was something my soul still needed to learn. I am forever grateful for those times and certainly hope they come with a lighter stick next time around! 

I have meticulously planned what my life needed to look like with a closed and judging fist. I thought if I wavered it would send a message that I didn't want it enough. Never have a plan B is what I would tell myself.  Over the years I have slowly released that fist and allowed my fingers to move along life's canvas so that a clear energy could be felt in the colours and strokes, leaving the details to stay an enigma. I am learning to feel excitment instead of anxiety about what still remains unsaid.

Life asks us to sit present for all the changes it has to offer, without clinging to the ones we like and turning from those we don't. This is no easy task so the deep loving heart of Yoga offers the concept of "The Gunas" to help guide our way.The Gunas are qualities of nature to help us understand and move with a bit more grace. Each Guna has an energy: passion, darkness and balance and all their nuances. They come in an out of our lives like waves, one stepping back so the other can move forward. All three are equal in importance and cannot exist without the others. They depend on each other like the inhale counts on the exhale. They are an intricate weave: passion can dip into balance and balance into darkness or any other combination you can image. One moment we are happy and the next tearful — always a new quality there for us to savour. When we don't hold too tightly, we are released into another wave of experience as we know intuitively the fullness of life could never exist in one single dimension. Being the obsever of these changes and allowing them to pass through us is how we engage with life fully and what practicing the Gunas have given me the tools to do. I am certain to be forever a student here. Desire and wanting are formitable characters in my journey.

As we begin to fill the canvas for 2013 can we do so with excitement and determination as well as curiosity? Can we understand that it is a co-creation between you and life?  We must ask but also open our eyes and hearts to accept what we have been given as if we have chosen it because we have.

If Paula's story resonated with you and you would like to start 2013 with self reflection, check out our Winter Urban Silent Retreat at Reflections Studio on Jan 5th and 6th.  No better way to learn about thyself than in silence. Shhhh…..