It’s never really about a dollar amount, but about the energetic exchange. For example, let's say a client doesn't show up to her appointment with me. The question lingers: should I charge her, even if I know she might have limited funds? Some might say it is compassionate to do so — I can give her a warning, even though she was previously made aware of the cancellation policy. However, if I allow it to slide, she may believe I don't respect my own time, so why should she? Plus, what lesson am I offering her about respect and manners, not to mention her own worth?  Won't the message be that it is okay for people not to show up in life in general? Letting her “slide” might certainly allow me to feel like I am easy going, but what will it suggest about our own personal values and worth?

As a result, I have taken a few action steps I want to share with you that have helped me increase my own value: 

I make sure my wallet is orderly and I always know how much is in it.
• I am aware of how much I owe out each month.
• I pay people what they are worth, so I can easily expect the same from them.
• I honor everyone who helps to move me through the world: from the person who delivers our laundry, to my dentist, to the Reflections staff, etc.. I need them to know they are important and that helps me to understand how important I am to others.
• Last but not least, I make sure that all my exchanges feel good. They need to be honest and come from a high place of integrity. I don’t eat in places that feel bad, I don’t use the services of the people who feel "off" – remember, you get what you pay for! If something seems below value, it is. If it seems above value, it is. Both exchanges will bring you trouble down the line.

Whose Life Is It Anyway? Ramblings on life, yoga, romance, money, sex, life, yoga, art, music, life and life.

As Passover and Easter find alignment on the same weekend  I had a moment of pause: why do we think we are different at all? I have spent a good bit of time at the tables of many different cultures. In each home we break bread, talk about life, work, children and God. This is true no matter where I  visit.

 This week I will sit at a Passover Seder and our Muslim friends will have brunch with us for Easter. I'm excited to celebrate the cultural differences and chuckle as we all complain about paying too much in taxes.  Yoga shows us so tenderly that though there are many paths, there is but one truth. As this is my truth, while my Jewish friends celebrate the pilgrimage to the Temple of Jerusalem and my Catholic friends celebrate a spiritual rebirth, I will marvel at the tapestry that  weaves us all together. 

Happy Holiday!!

The 1970’s social psychologist Eric Fromm posited that our first relationship is with the world – it is at the point of entry that success or struggle is decided.

Other experts tell us that self-love is often referenced by who loves us and what we love or don't love about another. These are conditions – is love mostly about conditions and attributes then? If that is true, I can't help but feel we are cutting love short. Isn't there more to this powerful emotion? Isn’t love  “all we need”, in the words of John Lennon?

Recently, I was speaking to a dear friend, discussing how I saw him and what I thought he might do as an occupation. I was explaining what I thought were his talents and strengths. I saw many he had never considered or perhaps was too afraid think possible. I mentioned that others see us so clearly, much clearer than we can hope to see ourselves. His reply struck me. He said "But it matters how people see you". That sent my mind going.

I thought of times that a true love had looked at me and saw deep beauty. With that one look I felt more beautiful than Aphrodite & Laksmi combined. Then I remembered how ugly I felt in the eyes of another. I thought of the times teachers and mentors believed in me and their confidence became my own.

I wondered why we spend time reflecting anything other than what is beautiful in a person? What in us makes us say things that hurt or make it harder for the people we reflect to be other than radiant? Why are we so afraid to tell another that we love them or that they are wonderful, even if they might not say it in return?

With all these questions reeling in my head I turned to the law of karma for some guidance. Karma tells us that when we speak the words of love we hear them first. On an energetic level we reap the benefits of these words, perhaps stronger than the person they were meant for. It tells us the opposite is true as well. 

Stop for a second and drop into your heart after you have said something hurtful. If you’re honest, you would have to confess that it feels like a kick to the stomach. You are feeling the energy of negative karma. If this is true then why not use every word to lift and honor a person. What we see in them is really what we see in ourselves. I don't know if it is true, but I don't want to be bound by the success or struggle of my "point of entry". When we choose the beauty we are consciously making our karma here and now. That makes our words — and more importantly, our love — powerful beyond our knowing! 

…or something more?  Are we missing the deeper message?

As I read the philosophy of the esteemed teacher, Mr. Glenn Black, whose classes I have had the privilege of taking, I am confused and I must say disheartened. I too have been walking the path of Yoga for over 25 years. I, luckily, have had a much different experience. I have been fortunate to have very wise and skilled teachers, starting my practice at Integral Yoga with Swami Ramanda, then Amy Mathews, Richard Freeman and onto my greatest teacher Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen. I believe these teachers helped me to see the true form of Yoga and though, I will admit, I have found myself in the presence of teachers who taught a more western version of the practice, my body has always asked me to leave and I quickly found my way back home. For me, and I hope for my students, Yoga is lens we use to look deeply inside to see what we really need - whether those needs are physical, emotional or spiritual. I have walked along my life path with Yoga by my side. It has been my greatest companion and so, it has held me, educated me, challenged me, employed me, it has been where I have found my closest friends and has been my guide through the most difficult times in my life.

On a nuts and bolts level Yoga is about re-patterning and that occurs in the nervous system. Whether we are discussing muscle tissue or emotions. It is wise in that way. We as humans are not so wise. We push, pull and grasp just as it asks us not to do and then we blame Yoga. It has been my experience that in those moments we aren’t really doing Yoga but just using the asanas to live our lives they way we always have, in arrogance. Yoga is a way to see things differently, to find peace of mind and true grace. It asks us clearly to stop pretending and start accepting what is, to listen instead o demand. This could be getting real about our flexibility in our bodies or in our lives. What is the real truth of the matter and can we stop pretending that it is something different. These of course are the harder lessons that only a true friend can offer.

Bonnie my teacher has always explained to us that we must listen to the lessons the body is teaching. So, it is the deepest meditation where I am asked to stay present and keep my ego in check. I must wait patiently for an asana to blossom inside of me. When I do I am in true ecstasy and when I don’t…well Mr. Black has already covered that. The asanas unfold, they present themselves to us, and we find we are in them without ever knowing we were going there, very much like life. If an injury comes, and I won’t lie I have had mine, it has shown me my own arrogance not a flaw in the teachings but in my ability to listen to their wisdom. Each asana holds a lesson so we move slowly and with reverence through our practice, as it is truly sacred.

As a teacher I am in service. I have come to own my own studio and so I am in service of many. I must maintain my clear mind so I can see the movements in each of my students. This comes with time and skill. So I have had to get that much more honest about what I am doing. Teaching has required me to rise to a higher form of myself. It has demanded a deep understanding of myself so that I can serve others. Oddly, teaching is typically less about knowledge, though incredibly important, and more about presence. If the room is crowded we don’t move faster but deeper more slowly, we use the power of the group to hold the meditation we are all there to find…teacher included. It is the job of the teacher to empower the student to listen to their body and not to become dependent. Though this can feel good, as we all want to feel important and needed, it is an extreme disservice to our students. If they alone trust us how do they learn to walk alone to find the self-practice we are grooming them for?

I have worked privately most of my 25 years, typically with people who suffer from some type of physical malady. I have seen this sage practice heal so many and not only heal but deliver them to a place where they were better then where they were before they were injured. I have been with most of my clients for 7 plus years. So we can see Yoga is not a fad nor is it a religion. What it is-is an awakening. It demands that we stay conscious at all times and so it is a very challenging and perhaps not right for those who want to dabble. It is clearly not whether I can do a fancy arm balance..that is an insult to its wisdom, but instead whether we can listen deeply to ourselves and others. In the light of Yoga we find, as we get older we get better. We are more alive, more compassionate, more humble. We realize we  will never know anything and so we get to maintain our curosity about everything.

I will agree that yoga as a competition or for athletic advancement is a bastardization of this wise and golden practice. Yoga has never been that for me, or for my students. We have taken a far less popular road to a place to where we are sure we will never arrive… But we are so enjoying the journey.. Freedom!

Click Here for the NY Times Article about Glenn Black

And explore other opinions on the topic: 

Yoga Journal's Blog

Daily Beast with perspective from Pure Yoga teacher

When it comes to deciding whether we are happy or not where do we look to find the answer? What is the deciding factor on how happy we are.

Is it a matter of success or material things, love or not. No one can deny that real-life circumstances have a tremendous impact on our emotions. This may lead us to wonder why we feel so helpless. Our inner thoughts might run like this: “What’s wrong with me?” “Why do I let people affect me so?”, “If only (you fill in the blank) happens, then I will be okay”, “Why do I feel enslaved by my thoughts?”, or “Why can’t I just be happy? And what would it even look like if I was?”.

In all of these instances we are looking outward to heal what lies within. These were questions I often asked myself before I found the practice of meditation. Satisfied in our own lives by changing our attitude towards reality … not the reality itself.

Through my practice I learned to sit with my thoughts and myself. I found a way to allow the triggers to rise up and learned to employ a different response to them. I found the power of pause. In certain meditations I was able to give my life a clear direction and then when I got off my pillow, it was easier to step in that direction. It felt good to decide how I wanted my life to be, rather than being taken for a ride by the waves of my “life situation”. It felt good to be in charge of my own emotional world.

In January, Reflections will be holding an Winter Urban Silent Retreat , where we will introduce and develop the practice of mindfulness. Along with restorative and yoga classes, there will be sitting meditation and intention setting. There will be time to write and just be in the energy of our Kula (group). Join us for this powerful weekend where we are all gathering to bring 2012 in as a year that is set in deep clarity and highest of intentions.

This weekend is suitable for beginners

Does Paula’s story resonate with you? Do you think you might enjoy exploring the ways we move through life and how yoga and meditation can give us a new perspective on them? Take two days with Paula and Friends at our Winter Urban Silent Retreat, Jan 14 & 15 2012.

What if your un-loveable you was the part we liked the best?

I recently spent some quality time with a close friend. We cried, laughed and totally let our hair down. We got to know each other in a way that we hadn’t before. One night over a bottle of wine my friend told me that the part of me he liked the best was not my “with it” accomplished NYC yoga guru side, but the part of me that sometimes seemed frightened, unsure and vulnerable. One of the things he said went like this: “Spending time with you let me see you're not so slick. I like that so much more”.

Does Paula’s story resonate with you?  Are you ready to uncover your own personal path? Consider joining Paula in her 2 Hour TeleSeminar, Stepping Up To Life,  on January 12th, 2012 from 6:30-8:30pm 

It's time for some pampering!

I have been thinking about the idea of pampering. What is pampering, really? For me, it is nothing but an old term used to make women feel guilty for taking care of themselves when it is assumed they should be busy working, cooking, cleaning and… the list goes on.  “Pampering”, if you will, is a sign of self-respect. We may think of "treating ourselves" as doing things that are bad for us, like eating a few cookies or a pint of ice cream, or buying a super expensive pair of shoes. But here are a few things that are actually cheap, easy and make a big difference to your health and wellbeing:

Set your morning and night with a pause. In the morning, take 5 minutes to first connect with yourself. A 5 minute meditation is very important. It creates a healthy environment inside of you.

Do one thing in the middle of every day to remember yourself. Take a class, get a 15 minute massage, drink a healthy juice instead of a mid-day coffee.

At night, create a ritual of self-care. Cream your feet, give yourself a mini facial. Do something that is only for you.

Doing these small things will help you remember that you are valuable, important and worth being cared for.

Does Paula’s story resonate with you?  Are you ready for show yourself how much you care about… yourself?  Consider joining Paula on her Thanksgiving 2011 Detox Retreat to Paya Bay Resort in Roatan Honduras!!